Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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