ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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