if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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