i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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