Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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