My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize