i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
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you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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