Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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