you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize