so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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