Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i've created a new STD.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize