So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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