i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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