Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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