Dual....:-)
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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