dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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