oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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