you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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