Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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