I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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