mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize