All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize