Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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