We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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