i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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