Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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