i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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