she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
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Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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