He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
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We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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