Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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