Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
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Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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