what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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