I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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