I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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