If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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