She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she smelled like a LAN party
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I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
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I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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