everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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