he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
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Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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