I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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