to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
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I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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