Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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