she woke up with a sticky ear
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
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It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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