Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize