I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
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woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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