i think my mom watched the whole time
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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