my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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