At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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