Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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