I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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