so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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